Breadcrumbing, Ghosting & Quiet Quitting in Dating: Why We Tolerate It—And How to Rise Above It

By Debra Mansfield

The psychology behind intermittent communication, disappearing acts, and emotional disengagement—and what to do about it.

When Silence Says Everything

Not every heartbreak comes with a dramatic ending. Sometimes, it arrives in the form of silence. A slow fade. A half-hearted reply. A sudden shift you can’t quite explain. It’s not always what someone says—it’s what they stop saying, the energy they stop offering, the effort they stop making.

Welcome to the emotional gray zone of modern dating.

Breadcrumbing, ghosting, and quiet quitting aren’t just buzzwords—they’re real patterns that leave lasting impacts. They chip away at your confidence, stir up uncertainty, and leave you stuck in a cycle of questioning what went wrong.

But here’s the truth: you’re not the problem. The culture of low-accountability dating is.

So how did we get here—and how can you protect your peace without losing your hope?

Let’s unpack it—then rebuild your dating clarity and confidence.

🔍 The Definitions: What Are They?

• Breadcrumbing: When someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested—texts, compliments, occasional flirty messages—but they never commit or follow through with a real date. Think: emotional snacks, not meals.
  
• Ghosting: When someone you’ve been dating or talking to disappears without warning—no text, no explanation, no closure. Poof they’re gone.
  
• Quiet Quitting (in dating): Borrowed from the workplace, this is when someone emotionally exits the relationship long before the breakup. They stop trying, investing, or caring—but don’t say it out loud.

🧠 The Psychology: Why People Do This

All three behaviors are rooted in avoidance—often fueled by a fear of confrontation, low emotional intelligence, or an unwillingness to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings. But there’s more:

• Attachment Theory shows us that people with avoidant or anxious-avoidant styles often pull away when things get “too real.”
  
• Dopamine-driven dating apps have made people more disposable—always chasing the next match, the next hit of excitement.
  
• Cognitive dissonance lets people rationalize their behavior. “It’s just casual,” they tell themselves—even if you were sharing real intimacy.

🌍 The Cultural Shift: Why This Has Become So Common

In the swipe era, connection is abundant, but accountability is rare. With so many dating apps and so little face-to-face interaction, people have become desensitized to the emotional consequences of their behavior.

What used to be considered rude or cowardly is now shrugged off with, “That’s just how dating is these days.”
But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay.

The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated this trend, reshaping how we form and maintain relationships.​

A Surge in Singleness and Altered Social Dynamics

A 2024 study from Stanford University revealed that the pandemic significantly increased the number of single Americans, estimating an additional 13.3 million singles in 2022 compared to pre-pandemic levels. This rise was attributed to the dissolution of new relationships, the failure of informal relationships to develop, and disruptions to the dating market. Moreover, the average American’s weekly socializing time continues to decrease. 

The Rise of Digital Dependency and Its Emotional Toll

The shift to online interactions during lockdowns led to increased reliance on dating apps. While these platforms offered a means to connect, they also introduced challenges. A study highlighted that dating apps might disrupt users’ hormonal balance, likening their effects to gambling addiction. The constant anticipation and reward cycle can lead to emotional burnout, irritability, and mood swings. According to The New York Post

The Normalization of Avoidant Behaviors

Behaviors like ghosting and breadcrumbing have become more prevalent, often rationalized as standard dating practices. However, these actions can erode self-trust, trigger anxiety, and fuel feelings of inadequacy. The lack of accountability in digital interactions allows individuals to disengage without confronting the emotional consequences.

🚫 What It Does to You

• Erodes self-trust: You start second-guessing your instincts.
  
• Triggers anxiety loops: Waiting for a text becomes emotionally draining.
  
• Fuels shame and insecurity: You may internalize their inconsistency as something you did wrong.

But here’s the truth: Their behavior is about them, not you.

✅ How to Protect Yourself & Get Clarity

Here’s how to navigate breadcrumbing, ghosting, and quiet quitting—with strength and self-respect:

1. Trust the Pattern, Not the Potential

If someone is inconsistent, vague, or hot-and-cold—they’re showing you who they are. Believe that over your hopeful interpretations.

2. Get Clear Early

Ask direct but light questions within the first few interactions: Please don’t ask all of these at once. It will feel like an interrogation. Just sprinkle them in when the time is right. 

“How do you usually like to communicate when you’re getting to know someone?”

“Are you more of a daily texter, or do you prefer to check in a couple times a week?”

“Do you like texting, phone calls, or would you rather save most of the conversation in person?”

“What are you looking for these days?” (causal dating, looking for a long term relationship) 

“How do you handle communication when you’re not feeling it with someone?”

These kinds of questions invite a real conversation about communication style, not just frequency—and they can help you set expectations before misunderstandings happen.

You’ll often spot red flags in their answers—or their avoidance of an answer.

3. Name the Energy

If something feels off, don’t wait in silence. Say something like:
“Hey, I’ve noticed our communication has shifted. Just want to check in—are you still interested in connecting?”

This gives them space to be honest—or to reveal their true intentions through silence.

4. Don’t Over-Invest Without Reciprocity

Match their energy. If they breadcrumb, don’t respond with a three-paragraph text. Pull back and protect your emotional bandwidth.

5. Create Closure for Yourself

Sometimes closure won’t come from them. Write a letter (you don’t send), talk it out with a coach or journal what you deserve—not just what you wanted from them.

6. Reframe It as Data

You’re not being rejected—you’re being redirected. Every flaky interaction is showing you what not to settle for. That’s valuable clarity.

💬 Final Thought: Clarity Is Kindness—To Yourself, Too

These behaviors may be normalized, but that doesn’t mean you have to normalize accepting them. You deserve emotional honesty, effort, and consistency—and anyone who’s ready for a relationship will show up that way.

Dating doesn’t need to be a guessing game. When you show up with integrity, boundaries, and self-awareness, you start attracting people who do the same.

Take away: Be the person you want them to be.
Lead with honesty. Respect your time and theirs. Reach out with confidence—not to chase, but to show that you value clear, kind communication. When you do this, you’re not just avoiding the ghosters—you’re showing up with self-respect and setting a higher standard for how you want to be treated.

That’s not being “too much.” That’s showing high value—and it attracts the kind of connection you’re truly looking for.

👉 Curious what your next step in dating could look like? Let’s talk.
Book a free clarity session or learn more about my 1:1 coaching here

You deserve more than crumbs. Let’s find the real thing—together.